Is Gentle Parenting Overtaking Authoritative Parenting—and What Does It Mean for Our Kids?

Parenting is a hot topic, and how we raise our kids keeps evolving. A recent study, "Current Research on Parenting Styles, Dimensions, and Beliefs" by Judith G. Smetana, digs into this shift. It says we’re moving away from labeling parents with broad styles—like the classic authoritative, authoritarian, or permissive—and zooming into specific dimensions (think control or warmth) and situational approaches. I’ve been reflecting on this as a mental health professional, and I’m worried about one trend in particular: the rise of “gentle parenting.” It’s often billed as kinder and more empathetic, but it leans heavily permissive—and I think it’s nudging out authoritative parenting, which research has long shown works best for kids. Here’s why that might be a problem, especially for raising less anxious kids.

What the Study Tells Us

Smetana’s work traces how parenting research has changed. Back in the day, we had three three styles: authoritative (firm but warm), authoritarian (strict and cold), and permissive (loving but lax). Later, a fourth style—rejecting-neglecting—joined the mix. Authoritative parenting, with its balance of clear rules and emotional support, consistently came out on top for kids’ well-being—think confidence, good behavior, and emotional stability. Now, though, researchers are breaking parenting into pieces (like how much control or responsiveness parents use) and looking at “domain-specific” models—where parents adapt based on the situation or their kid’s needs. It’s less about one-size-fits-all and more about flexibility and context.

The Rise of Gentle Parenting

Enter gentle parenting, the buzzword of modern mom blogs and Instagram. It’s all about empathy, avoiding punishment, and letting kids lead the way. Sounds lovely, right? But here’s the catch—it often slides into permissive territory. No firm boundaries, no “because I said so,” just a lot of negotiation and softness. Meanwhile, authoritative parenting—those clear expectations paired with warmth—seems to be fading from the spotlight. I get the appeal of gentle parenting; it feels progressive and guilt-free. But Smetana’s study hints at why this shift matters: parenting styles (and their dimensions) don’t work the same for every kid or culture, and the effects depend on how they’re applied.

Why This Worries Me

Here’s my take: permissive parenting, even the gentle kind, can leave kids floundering—and anxious. Authoritative parenting gives kids a sturdy frame—rules to lean on and love to feel safe. It’s like a house with strong walls and a cozy interior. Gentle parenting, when it’s too permissive, feels more like an open field—free, yes, but also exposed. Kids need structure to feel secure; without it, they might worry more because they’re guessing what’s okay and what’s not. Research backs this up—too little control (a permissive hallmark) is linked to poorer self-regulation and, yep, higher anxiety in kids. Of course, there are exceptions—some kids thrive with less structure—but in general, the data leans toward balance over leniency.

What’s Getting Lost

Smetana’s study doesn’t call out gentle parenting directly, but it shows how we’re dissecting control and warmth separately now. Gentle parenting often ditches the “demandingness” part of authoritative parenting—the part that sets limits—and doubles down on responsiveness. I worry we’re losing the magic of that combo. Kids don’t just need us to listen; they need us to guide. Without that, we might be raising a generation of kids who feel loved but unsteady—more prone to anxiety because the world feels unpredictable when no one’s firmly in charge.

Where Do We Go From Here?

I’m not saying gentle parenting is all bad—empathy and connection are gold. But maybe we can blend it with authoritative roots: keep the warmth, bring back the backbone. Smetana’s push for “domain-specific” parenting fits here—be flexible, yes, but don’t abandon structure. I’d love to see more parents embrace authoritative vibes again—firm, fair, and loving—over the permissive drift of gentle parenting. Our kids might thank us with less worry and more confidence.

What do you think? Are you team gentle, authoritative, or something else? Let’s chat about it.

ReferenceSmetana, J. G. (2017). Current research on parenting styles, dimensions, and beliefs. Current Opinion in Psychology, 15, 19–25. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2017.02.012

DisclaimerThis is an opinion piece for educational purposes only, not advice. My thoughts are meant to spark discussion, not dictate your parenting choices—every family’s different, and that’s okay!